Button Nose

He Says:
dango bana=button nose
I was thinking which word is good to write for this blog,then I thought of dango bana. Because the word is regarded as a dirty word to insult especially to girls.
But you know, my wife who is an American pointed out "button nose is a good word".
I couldn't understand why the word is good.
It's a kind of cultual difference,interesting to know.
Because in Japan,sooo many people wish for a big nose.
So especially many jp girls get a nose job for bigger nose.Some of them have a complex about their nose.
So if you say dango bana to people in Japan, so many jp people would be hurt.And they would be happy if you say "you have a big nose".
Strange huh?

She Says:
He wrote this a few weeks ago (His Mother has been visiting, so we haven't had much time for updates). And when I said that people do want a button nose, it's true...
But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that the word "button nose" means slightly different things. To us, a button nose is a nose that's cute and small. But in Japan, it means more flat. As He said, Japanese people tend to compliment a "big nose", but the way they say it, it means a "tall nose", or in other words, a nose that sticks out of your face.

Skanky Ho （どろぼう ねこ）

He Says:
dorobou neko　（どろぼう　ねこ）=theving whore
dorobou is a thief. neko is a cat.
This word is mostly used by girls.
The situation they would use is that there is one couple, another girl loved the boyfriend, and he cheats.
Then the ex-girlfriend would say to the new girlfriend, "dorobou neko!!".
Originally dorobou neko was used by a fish store. But recently we don't see many fish stores,we use the word mostly for love affair stuff or something.
So if you get or steal someone's treasure or something against the person's will,you would be insulted with the word when you are in Japan.

She Says:
This one was a little hard to come up with a good word. I'm not sure that we would usually use the word "thief" in this situation. Usually we might say "skanky ho" or "scheming bitch". But I dunno. What do you think?

How to pick up Japanese guys.

So, He's taking his sweet time getting more dirty words to me, so I thought I'd talk about how to pick up Japanese guys.
We all know that foreign guys go to Japan and it's like they're gods and they can get all the pussy they want and blahblahblah. But most women complain about the lack of eligible companionship. They feel that because Japanese men never approach them, they are not interested. Why is this?
Here's the deal. (Sweeping cultural generalizations ahead...)
Japanese men are shy and insecure. They've been fed the bogus line about how small their dicks are for ages. They assume that foreign women would never possibly be interested in a Japanese man and so they don't even try.
The truth is that foreign women in Japan can have the same god-like status as foreign men. You just have to work it a bit. Be a bit more forward. You don't have to do all that much. But you can't just sit there and avoid eye contact and expect guys to approach you. Just a tiny tiny bit of extroverted-ness and you'll never have to go home alone if you don't want to...
Before I met my husband I was like the Queen of Nanpa (scoring). I would be able to walk into a bar or club and choose the guy I wanted. And I always got him (even if just for a few hours. ;-) )
Try this:

1. Smile. You know that scene in Memoirs of a Geisha where she like checks out a guy, averts her eyes and he totally falls off the bicycle? Well, you have that same power. Seriously. Start catching guys' eyes and smiling. You will be surprised at how they completely stop what they are doing, drop whatever they are holding and otherwise make fools of themselves. It's powerful ladies. Damn powerful.
2. Approach them. You don't have to say anything profound or have a good pick up line or anything. Just say "Hi." It works. The guy starts thinking "Whoa. She's talking to me."
3. Try to speak Japanese. Many guys won't try to speak to you because they are worried that their English sucks. Or maybe they don't even speak any English at all. Speaking Japanese, even if you completely suck, will put him more at ease. If he sees that you are willing to try to speak Japanese, then he will be more willing to try to speak English. Chances are his English is much better than your Japanese. So even making a lot of mistakes with your Japanese is amusing and shows effort.
4. Buy Funny T-shirts from J-list. This was seriously my secret weapon. I had a "Looking for a Japanese Boyfriend" shirt and a "I Love Hentai" shirt as well. These were always big hits with the guys because it gave them an easy opener. They could just make a comment about my shirt.

The downside to these is that you won't necessarily get guys that are boyfriend material. Just like Japanese women are to foreign men...you are exotic to these guys. Some of them just wonder things like "Is it different to have sex with a foreign woman?" and dumb things like that.
But you can score all you want.
Another time I'll talk about how to get a boyfriend...

Old Fart （くそったれ じじ）

He Says:
kusottare jijii　（くそったれ　じじ）=you shitting old goat!
jijii means old guy like more than 70years old. and kusottare is fucking shit(see the one Dec.14 blog). So you can say this word to old men, but can say to young men. That'll be more powerful insult.
And that'll be so nice if a female uses the word to men.
You can say it to your fucking shit boss or someone.
I bet many japanese don't expect you non-jp people can use this word,
so they would be so surprised when you say this word.
jijii is old man,and old lady is babaa.
So kusottare babaa is also cool to say to them!

She Says:
Mmmmm....I don't have anything to add about this one.

Oh Shit! （やべ）

He Says:
yabe　（やべ）=oh shit!, in big trouble
Many japanese people use yabe in many situations. When we get up late, we say "yabe!!", when we send email to a wrong person, we say "yabe!!".
Yabai is the original word for that, yabe is more casual way.
And you can say yaba too. All are the same meaning.
Hiro in the TV show of Hero used to say yabai many times when he gets in big trouble(I think he uses the word even though he didn't get in big trouble).
Like Hiro,many japanese use yabai!(or yabe,yaba) when it's not a big trouble.
That's ok. It's kind of common in Japan.
You can say,"yabe!! I farted!" or something.

She Says:
It's fun to make a big deal out of something. But to be honest, if you use it in the exaggerating way, Japanese people will probably laugh at you because they think that you're using the language wrong. This isn't necessarily a bad thing though.
See, in America if somebody makes fun of your English and they're laughing at you, it's a bit malicious and they think you're stupid. We expect foreigners to speak perfect English, with no accent.
Japanese people, on the other hand, tend to think that Japanese is the hardest language that ever existed and it would be completely impossible for a foreigner to ever learn to speak properly. So when they laugh at you, it's because it's just so cute that you're trying and make such a silly little mistake.

The next word is...（くそったれ　じじ）。

Meow （おめこ）

He Says:
omeko　（おめこ）=pussy
Japanese girls hardly say the word of omeko,nor in private. They feel embarrassed to say the word.
So in many japanese porn video, the jp pornstar guy try to make the girl say "omeko" or something. Then the girl hesitates so much to say the word.
That's the one of great ecstasy for jp guys. Can you understand their ecstasy taste?
Many pervert jp guys love to see or feel what girls don't want to do.
So they order their girl or hooker to say "insert yours to my omeko",or
"give your cum on my face".
They want to hear such words from girls who don't want to say.

She Says:
If you're a guy, knowing this word probably isn't gonna get you any brownie points. However, it's very good to know if you're a girl who's into Japanese guys. ;-)

The next word is...やべ。

Hooray for Sluts! （やりまん）

He Says:
yariman　（やりまん）=slut
yariman is dirtier word than sirigaru we introduced last time.
As you know,sirigatu means slut,the original meaning is the girls who turn their butts to men for sex(siri=butt,garu=light).
But this time the word of yariman shows the stuff more obviously.
"Yari" means having sex,"man" means a pussy.So it's more direct,and dirtier.

She Says:
This is an interesting one because, in my experience, you can masculinize it and guys will be surprised and insulted if you call them that.
As He mentioned, the "man" (pronounced "mahn") in "yariman" comes from "manko" which means pussy. The word for dick is "chinko". So you can create the word "yarichin", which would mean male-slut. If you're a girl, try calling a guy who's trying to pick you up this and watch his face. So funny!

The next word is...おめこ。

A Light Butt（しりがる）

He Says:
sirigaru　（しりがる）=slut
Usually slut means for women, so Japanese say sirigaru onna(girl) too.
You can use both sirigaru and sirigaru onna.
Both are the same.
The original meaning of sirigaru is light butt(siri=butt,garu=light).
So the word was made by the girls who can turn their butts to men easily for sex.

She Says:
This made me giggle when I saw it because I thought that they were using "garu" as "girl" which is a common thing to do. So I thought it was "butt-girl". Unfortunately it's not...but that might be a way to help you remember the word!

The next word is...やりまん。

The Worst Japanese Word You Can Say （くそったれ）

He Says:
kusottare　（くそったれ）=fucking shit,mother fucker
kusottare is my favorite one. It's very easy to say for me! The original meaning is a shitter in Japanese.
When we feel so angry, we say fucking shit or something. At the same time, Japanese say kusottare.
It's a little interesting both languages has shit in each word.
It'll be more japaneselike accent if you accent in "u" of kusottare!

She Says:
This is by far considered to be the "worst" word that there is in Japanese. It literally means "person who cannot stop the shit from running out of their ass". One wonders if you would use it for someone using diet products like Alli. But I digress...
This word actually has a special meaning for me. Before I met Him, I was living near Tokyo. I had a good friend who I'd known since high school. As we've mentioned before, Tokyo people tend to be a bit more polite and than others in Japan. So while I would always pressure my friend to teach me the dirty words, he never would. He didn't want me messing with "the beautiful language".
Anyway, one night I was out with my girlfriends and this dude picked me up. Well, actually, I suppose his friend picked me up for him. See, the guy didn't speak ANY English, but his friend did. So the guy would talk to his friend in Japanese and the friend would translate. I'm a sucker for any guy that calls me beautiful so...
I decided to go out with him a second time. This time the friend wasn't there, but I was feeling ready to try my Japanese. It completely sucked at the time, but I would always try to ganbatte (do my best). So we're hanging out, having a good time with another friend and his girlfriend (neither of whom spoke English), when all of a sudden, the guy I'm with starts beating the other woman up! What the fuck right? I'm not talking anything playful. He was full-on punching her.
I of course stormed out, trying to get the girl to come with me...but I simply couldn't convey my meaning. I mean, can you imagine how frustrating it was that the worst thing I could call this guy was baka (or "fool")?
When I told this to my Tokyo friend, he finally taught me kusottare. Heh.

The next word is...しりがる。

Dammit! And a Brief Discussion of Gendered Words （ちきしょう）

He Says:
chikishou　（ちきしょう）=damn it,shit
We use damn it,shit or shoot or something when we get in trouble. It's chikishou in Japanese. Japanese use it in many situations, but in business,it's prohibited to use it because they use polite words,which is keigo. Chikishou is a casual dirty word.
And chikushou is also the same.
Both are tend to used by men.

She Says:
He brings up a good point with the gendered words. I think that "dirty words" in any language tend to be spoken by men only since women wouldn't want to be seen dirtying themselves.
But gendered styles of speaking are quite interesting.
See, a lot of foreign guys learn Japanese from their Japanese girlfriends. But this means that they're learning a sort of feminized Japanese. They'll use words that only women would use. Often, Japanese people might be laughing at them behind their backs (or sometimes right in their face).
Likewise, I might come off as brash or rude when I speak Japanese because I imitate my husband's male-version Japanese.
If you want to more accurately speak the language, then you should learn from someone who's the same gender as you are.

The next word is...くそったれ。

That Useless Flap of Skin （ほうけい）

He Says:
houkei　（ほうけい）=foreskin
If you are a boy, do you have foreskin?
Today's dirty word is foreskin.
I know many American boys cut off their foreskin, but Japanese do not.
Japanese don't have such custom.
So when we japanese go to a hot spring(=onsen.so many jp love to go hot springs), then we men can see, "oh he has a foreskin,oh that guy too!".
I believe 80~90% jp have foreskin.

By the way,I show you all my favorite funny video about foreskin.
As I told you last time,the video is from soramimi hour.
The original song,English singer sings in English.
But for Japanese,they can hear it as so funny japanese word accidentaly.
In the video,the original lyric goes "fucking~,fucking~,fucking hostile~!!"
But in Japanese they can hear as if "houkei~,houkei~,houkei no hito~~!!".
It means "foreskin~,foreskin~,this guy is foreskin~!".
I hope you can hear it in Japanese,not English word.


She Says:
I don't really notice whether guys have foreskin or not.

Arguing with Henry Longfellow （オナニー）

He Says:
onani　（オナニー）=masturbation

They say the origin of onani(e) is that Onan from the Bible had a sex with his brother's wife,then he spit his sperm into the ground from Heaven.
So actually Onani isn't a real japanese,but they use this word instead of masturbation.
You know,many japanese people are shy,they tend to think they shouldn't say the talking about onani or sex even between friends.
So I bet they would react with much surprise than American would do.

Here is the link of my favorite Japanese show.
It's called soramimi hour.The show features English songs that Japanese can hear them as japanese word by mistake.So the English songs has meanings as they are,
but japanese could hear as so meaningless,funny,stupid japanese words.
In the link,the song goes,"You give me all I need~".
But in Japanese,they could hear as "yu ki mi onani~".
Yu ki mi is snow-scene viewing.
Onani is masturbation you know.
So japanese can hear as if the singer is singing "masturbation in snow-scene viewing~".

She Says:
Cool. Masturbating.
I'm not so sure that He's telling the truth about not talking about sex and masturbation between friends. I mean, in another show, they're waking this guy up and have a whole camera crew there and everything. Then they notice that there are all these tissues wadded up by the side of the bed. So they start teasing him about what it is and he full on admits it.
I think in some ways Japanese people might be more open about sex than Americans.
Anyway, here's the video. As it's about mistakenly interpreting the words to a song as being about masturbation, it's not work-safe or child friendly.



The next word is...ほうけい。

Oink （めす ぶた）

He Says:
mesu buta　（めす　ぶた） = sow,female pig
This is one of dirtiest words you'll know.
mesu is female, buta is a pig.
So mesu buta is so fat or ugly girl,or a loose girl etc.
If you say this word to girls,immediately our relationship is over..
By the way, we don't say osu buta(=male pig).
But we will show you many dirty words to men little by little later.

She Says:
Seems like being called a pig is a universal insult. Go figure.
I wish we would get to the insults for men. I mean real insults, not just baka. I think He's afraid to let me know cuz I have an uncanny ability to remember all the bad words.

The next word is...オナニー。

Is this really an insult? （こもち ししゃも）

He Says:
komoti sishamo　（こもち　ししゃも） is kind of a funny word.
Originally,kimoti means pregnant, sishamo is a smelt,one of fish.
So a pregnant smelt has so big stomach.
But we japanese use the word for the calf of people.
Some people have so big calves because they exercise much or something.
Then some of Jp say,"they have komoti sishamo in their calves!"
Sometimes I can see people whose calves look like pregnant smelt.
They look they have 2 pregnant smelts in their calves.
But this word is irony,or bad word, so if you say it to jp girls,you know what happens then!?

She Says:
This doesn't translate so well. I don't get it, even after extensive explanation from Him. It just doesn't seem funny or insulting or anything like that to me. I mean, we're not talking about cankles or anything like that...just muscular calves.
I suppose it plays into the idea that women aren't supposed to be muscular at all? But any, I don't really get it.

The next word is...めす　ぶた。

Only Authentic Allowed （ばったもん）

He Says:
batta mon （ばったもん）= fake stuff
Originally a batta means a grasshopper.
Like a grasshopper jumps easily place to place, many fake stuff are made imitated as real things.
It's illegal,but actually many people make many fake stuff. Then we,customer can say,this is batta mon!
For example,we can buy many things in a street stall in Japan. But many of them,like watches,bags are batta mon. But the looks are almost the same of real goods.
If a real brand bag costs $1000,we can buy a batta mon's same looks bag
with $100~.
So if you come to Japan,you would be able to see many batta mon goods
especially at street stalls.
They are so cheap, but not real mostly!
By the way, the staff in street stalls in Japan are mostly not a japanese,but white or Asian.

She Says:
Before I met him, I used to live in an apartment with two Japanese guy roommates. One of them had this pretty good scam running. Since he could read English pretty well, he'd buy brand name goods on eBay and then sell them on Yahoo! Japan auctions (Japanese people prefer to use Yahoo! auctions because it's in Japanese.).
Anyway, one day I came home and he had this huge box sitting in the living room. I was like "Whoa dude! This is huge! What'd you get?"
He said "Nothing. The box was empty."
What the hell right...who sends a huge empty box overseas? I pressed him further and learned that he had bought a lot of brand name bags on eBay, but they turned out to be fake. So, apparently, because they were fake, THEY WERE CONFISCATED BY CUSTOMS! What?!?! How odd.
I got no problem with replica goods. I think it's stupid to pay $1000 for a bag.

The next word is...こもち　ししゃも。

I Smell Bacon ポリ コウ

He Says:
polikou　（ポリ　コウ）=policemen,cops
The word of Polikou is kind of insult to police. Po of Polikou comes from Police.
Actually Police is keisatsu in JP. Policemen (officer) is keisatsu-kan or omawari-san.
But the words are just normal,kind of polite.Then,some of Japanese, especially JP men use polikou.
Some people use like "kuso(fucking) polikou!" after they get the speed violation or something like that.
But please do not say polikou to policemen. Because the word has insult in it.
(But now many polikou are so chicken, so they would ask their boss what to do when they if you call them polikou instead just arresting you.)

She Says:
This seems comparable to calling a police man a "pig" in English. Not exactly a bad word, but still not very nice.

The next word is...ばったもん。

Flat as a board （ぺちゃぱい）

He Says:
pecha pai (pronounced "pie") （ぺちゃぱい）=flat chested
What kind of pie do you imagine "pecha pie"?
New delicous pie?No!umm,but sometimes yes.
Pecha pie is flat boob.
So like a men breast, girls who have flat boob, we would call that pecha pie.
It's a little bit hard to explain why we say so. I think a pie is usually big because it has many cream or fruits inside. But when the pie is crushed or fallen, it can be flat. Pecha is an onomatopoeia word--the sound something makes when being crushed or made flat. So pecha pie is like no volume pie, it's a flat boob.
Many American guys seem to like Japanese girls. But Jp girls have usually pecha pie. It's hard to find a big boobed Jp girl.because the average of jp girls bust is said 82cm (about 32 inches).

She Says:
His description sums it up.
Japanese uses a lot of onomatopoeia words which are incredibly difficult for foreigners to master. You'd think that you'd just make the sound that something makes...but you actually have to know how Japanese people will say it. For example, to American ears the onomatopoeia words "kachung" and "darung" might pretty much sound the same. But to a Japanese person, they are totally different.
I'd always use the wrong onomatopoeia word and have people stare at me like I'm crazy.

The next word is...ポリコウ。

Hey Sexy Mama! （ちゃん ね）

He Says:
chan ne　（ちゃん　ね） = pretty girl.
Usually nechan is girl. It's a normal word. But if the word "nechan" gets reverse,it turns to have a little bit sexy. So jp men sometimes say chan ne~ to sexy girls or hookers instead of simply nechan. But we don't say chan ni~ to boys(nichan is boys or brother).

She Says:
Something you might hear walking down the street, the way that guys in English might call "Hey sexy mama" or whatever. If you're a foreign girl in Japan, guys might be more apt to say this loudly in front of you, thinking that you won't understand. So remember it and scare the shit out of them when you comment back. Really. It's fun.

The next word is...ぺちゃぱい。

That Toilet Training Video...

She Says:
I think that most people have probably seen the following toilet training video. The person who translated it did a very good job of getting the nuances right, but I thought I'd note a few things that aren't mentioned that are kind of cute...

• Shimajiro says byebye to "oshiko-kun" and "unchi-kun". "Kun" is a word that you attach to the end of little boys' names. ("Chan" is attached to little girls' names.) Since the word "san" gets translated as Mister/Ms when attached to an adult's name, I believe that an appropriate translation of "kun" would be like saying "Little Mr. ________" (Of course "kun" is also used between people of equal status in which case this translation is inaccurate.) So basically, Shimajiro is saying "Byebye Little Mr. Poo". Which cracks me up.
  
• The other day we talked about the word kimoi as a shortened form of "kimochii warui". At the end of this video, you can hear Shimajiro say, "Pants ga kimochii ii ne." He's literally saying "Underpants have a good feeling." It's translated as being comfortable which is a good translation, but I wanted you to listen for the word you know.
  
• Also note that the Japanese word for underwear is "pants".
  

Stop It With the Fools Already （うんぽんたん）

He Says:
unpontan （うんぽんたん）=fool
Fool usually means aho or baka in Japanese,but unpontan too.This word unpontan is kind of soft word to say fool,we use it when we are not so angry with the people,or especially to kids,women who would be so hurt if we say aho or baka.
And this word is so old,they say it's made more than 300 years ago,which was Edo era in Japan.
Japanese use aho or baka many times in daily life,don't use unpontan even though it's the same meaning.
So they would think cool if you can use this old word instead of aho or baka!

She Says:
Good Lord, do we really need another word for fool? It amazes me how almost all insults in Japanese get translated as "fool", when it's just not so common in America. Stronger words in Japanese tend to sound ridiculous when you actually translate them (See hetare.).
Anyway, He says that because of the obscurity, you'll end up looking cool. I'm not so convinced of this. I mean, I think that many English speakers have at times encountered a foreigner who uses out-of-date slang. It doesn't make them cool. We're more likely to laugh AT them. Maybe Japanese people are different though...